Who said play-dates were fun?

Hey Friend,

You’re not gonna believe the day I’ve had! I should now be stuffing my face with chocolate whilst watching some nonsense on the tv to forget but it’s the summer holidays so the girls are still up – and, more importantly – I don’t actually have any chocolate!!! Yes, this is a truly crappy end to my day.

So, a couple of days ago Mr E came home with the girls – all proud of himself because he’d organised a play date for the girls with our neighbour and her daughter. He didn’t actually check if I’d made plans first and when I pointed this out he said “I thought it’d give you a break as she (the mum) is going to come over for an hour and then take them all to the park.” Hmmmm.

Fast forward to this morning – she breezes in with both her children – yes, both when I was only expecting one – and says “thanks for having them. I’m off to get my hair done and will be back in a couple of hours.” Excuse me? This was not part of the plan! But off she went and I stood there hoping the girls were up to the challenge of entertaining our guests. This was at 11am by the way. Older Miss pointed out that we were going to have lunch soon – cue panicked look on my face as I wasn’t prepped to do lunch for 6 (well, 5.5 as Bubs is still weeny)! The mum said “they’ve just had breakfast so they’ll be fine” – phew! Doesn’t mean I didn’t feel bad though when we sat down to eat and the guests were just waiting for the girls to finish….(I know, I’m awful but in my defense I did offer but they declined and I wasn’t going to wait until thy left to eat as – well, I’m coming to that)!

Pretty much as soon as the front door closed the youngest one started saying he wanted to go home – then he turned it into a song – a song that had no other words – just ‘I want to go hoooommme’ on repeat (thank God I don’t drink because I would surely have been reaching for the wine after 5 minutes of that).

The girls were great hostesses – they got the board games out, built a den, demolished said den, got the craft stuff out and built some weird and wonderful things and then finally sat down to a movie. I made them all some popcorn which was inhaled within a couple of minutes. Does this sound like a lot of things in a short space of time? Does it sound like 2 hours worth of activities? No? Then you’d be right. Frankly as soon as I heard the words ‘I’m going to get my hair done’ I knew it was highly unlikely that the children were going to make it to the park today.

I sent a message – keeping it friendly, of course – ‘when are you due back? (smiley face)’. The reply was ‘will be back around 4pm’ – 4pm?? She must be thinking this is the best free babysitting service ever! All the while, I’m firing off angry texts to Mr E for organising this debacle of a day – which, to be fair, isn’t his fault – how was he to know what he agreed to wasn’t actually going to happen? But I wasn’t thinking rationally at the time and growled and snarled as I sent a couple more texts… Hopefully I’ll get some chocolate from all the guilt I’ve piled on… 🙂

The mum turned up at 4.15pm, hair looking fabulous, of course and gushing at how grateful she was to me for having them (now I feel bad… okay, not really). She’s agreed to have the girls next week. I’m tempted to drop off all three children and book myself into a spa for the day!

Speak soon x

Breakfast treat – two words that do not go together…

Hiya,

So, you’re not gonna believe this but it’s half term again (I know, right?).

Weeks ago, Little Miss and I found this recipe for ‘morning muffins’ – really healthy ‘cakes’ (I use the word loosely) made with oats and Greek yogurt amongst other things. As a treat I thought I’d make them one day this week seeing as it’s half term and we’re not rushing off to do the school run. Well, that’s where it all went wrong – right at the start.

I was up with Bubs early as usual – gave him breakfast and started grating apples (you see what I mean now when I said ‘cake’…). It was only after I’d grated said apples that I realised I didn’t have any oats. Determined not to be beaten I searched the net for a recipe for ‘normal’ muffins only to realise I didn’t have any butter (can you sense the eye rolls?)… I wasn’t giving up. With the grated apples slowly turning brown I tried one more search and found a recipe with oil as a substitute. Now, I know my girls – anything remotely different to the norm is met with a whiny “I don’t like it” without anything even passing their lips. So I knew this whole batch of muffins would be a failure when Older Miss walked in just as I was pouring coconut oil into the mixture (yeah, I’m one of those people who have coconut oil to hand). Her immediate response was “I don’t like coconut” – I just wanted to throw the whole lot away right then – would have been a whole lot easier than the next bit.

I pressed on regardless – the girls even helped to mix – we got them into the oven and they both went on about how good they smelled and how they couldn’t wait to eat them. Quick lesson – what children say and what they do 5-10 minutes later will not always be the same – in fact, they’ll rarely be the same. I, allowed myself to be sucked in to this false sense of security and believed it would all be fine – they would love the delicious smelling muffins, coconut oil and everything.

Fool.

I made them wait a bit longer so the muffins could cool down (they were on the edge of their seats now – are they ready yet? Can we have one yet?). And then the moment arrived….

Little Miss managed four bites to Older Misses two – surprise of the century – they didn’t like them. So there I was with a whole tray of muffins to eat by myself. So as I shovelled my third muffin into my mouth whilst glaring at my children all I could think about was starting the day again – this time with cereal…

That’s the last time I contemplate a ‘treat’ for breakfast.

Excuse me whilst I roll my portly body across the floor for another muffin (only 5 more to go)….

Speak soon x

Woman down

Hey Friend,

How are you?

So Older Miss came back from her trip and – you’re not gonna believe this, but peace reigned in our home for a full hour! The girls were so pleased to see each other that it was all “No – you have the last sweet” and “No – you read the comic first. I’ll wait.”

I’m sorry? Who are you and what have you done with my daughters?

I don’t know what triggered the first spat but the screeching of each others names told me the blissful ‘I’ve missed you so much’ phase was at an end (eye-rolls galore…).

I am surprisingly well after a bout of sickness at the weekend – in fact, the whole E clan was out for the count. It was a sickness of epic proportions – bodily fluids exploding from both ends (sorry – too much info, I know but you’re only reading about it and not actually living it so toughen up)! Normally, I don’t get that sick – because, you know, Mum’s are super human and all that… But seriously, I couldn’t even pick up Bubs I was that out of it. So, it was over to Mr E to take care of everyone… Hmmm… When my Mum suddenly showed up at the front door I was so pleased to see her, assuming Mr E had called for back-up. No – actually Older Miss sent out a distress signal via text message:

Nanny, please will you come as everyone is sick. Please… (several crying face emojis)

Mr E proceeded to stomp about a bit mumbling that he wasn’t completely incapable of looking after us… Hey – I was not involved!

Thankfully, everyone is back to normal now and I’ve spent a week catching up on the things I didn’t get to do when I was ill – like cleaning the carpet where Little Miss chucked up (whose idea was it to have pizza anyway?). By the way, cleaning up sick when you feel sick is enough to make you… sick.

Oh, and Bubs has also been ill and managed to do a poop that leaked on the carpet – so now there is a orangey patch from the pizza vomit and a smaller yellow patch from the baby poo. The second lot of carpet cleaner I used has done a better job than the first one but I know the faint orange/yellow tinge is there – the untrained eye wouldn’t notice it of course and at least Little Miss isn’t constantly saying her room smells of sick (as if it was someone else that projectile vomited bits of sweetcorn all over the carpet)…

But like I said, all back to normal now – girls bickering over who left that book on the floor (or whatever other thing they feel is of major importance that day); Bubs is back to trying to destroy my home – which consists of pulling everything down off any surface that he can reach and then slobbering all over it – by the way, I read a something a while back that said you shouldn’t worry about babies putting everything in their mouths as they have their own built-in anti-bacterial thingy-ma-jig. Does that mean my dribble covered picture frames that sat on the coffee table are now germ free??

Back to normal also means my ironing pile is out of control – does anyone actually iron any thing anymore? I’d rather sleep.

Speak soon x

To detox, or not to detox…?

Hey there,

So you’re not gonna believe this but I am one child down this week – Older Miss has gone away with school and it feels very weird. I know it’s all part of growing up but we all had a snuggle in bed at the weekend – well, Mr E, Little Miss and I snuggled – Bubs just climbed over us whilst throwing his head back as if determined to headbutt us all at least once. Anyway, I felt sad that she was missing the snuggle however dangerous Bubs had made it…

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Shake it up, baby!

I have clearly chosen the wrong week to do a detox – yeah, I know – me! Doing a detox! But in a week when I’m missing my girl and just want to binge on chocolate, it clearly wasn’t one of my better ideas. On the upside, I have been chocolate-free for about a week now – yay me! The downside is I’ll probably go nuts when I’m free of this cleanse and undo all my hard work (insert eye-roll). And I know you said I look great the last time you saw me  (thanks) but seeing as my wonderful children like to refer to my gut as if it’s a person in its own right, I’ll have to say you were just being kind – children don’t lie (unless they’ve eaten that sweet that you told them not to and then they get caught…)!!

Another good thing about this detox is I’m drinking loads of water but (where there’s a pro there’s always a con) I have to wee about 500 times a day! And Bubs is getting quicker moving across the floor so I am literally racing him to get to the bathroom, handle my business and get out before he arrives at the door to greet me. I don’t know what he finds so fascinating about the bathroom anyway – I know for sure that will change when he’s older and has to muck in with cleaning the toilet…

So what with running (actually running) back and forth to the bathroom and not eating very much you’d think I’d have a flat stomach by now, right? Wrong. It’s still there – taunting me – telling me that years of chocolate and cake abuse will not be shifted in a week. But it will be worth it – right? Tell me it will be worth it and I will believe you! I’ve got two more days of this cleanse left and there’s still cake at my Mum’s so if I don’t get some words of encouragement I’m likely to jump on a bus and go get it right now!

The fate of my uncontrollable gut is in your hands…

Speak soon x

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day

Hey there,

You’re not gonna believe this but yesterday was Mother’s Day and I spent a big chunk of it childless – the irony is not lost on me but it was blissful all the same.

Having woken up with a miserable cold and not being able to enjoy the obligatory Mother’s Day lie in (Mr E was working and came in with the sunrise so I couldn’t really expect him to get up half hour later to get the baby) it wasn’t the best start to my Mother’s Day. There I was, up at the crack of dawn, trying to stem a steady stream of snot whilst lifting Bubs out of the crib. I proceeded to sit on the sofa feeling sorry for myself whilst trying to muster the strength to get Bubs his breakfast.

Whilst I sat wallowing, in walks Older Miss with a sunny “Good morning, Mummy! Good morning Bubs!” I feel a little less sorry for myself – that’s two happy children so far – the smallest of which was trying to break my glasses and gouge out my eyes – but all done in love, of course.

A few minutes later, in walks the Little Miss with a sleepy but smiley “Happy Mother’s Day, Mummy!” I smile a bit more. She then rushed off to get the card she made in which she wrote ‘you make me feel safe when you’re near’. Cue me bursting into tears! Three happy children who I’ve made feel safe – even with the snot, I rock.

Fast forward a few hours when I’m feeling rougher. At that point I don’t want to listen to another joke. I don’t find it funny that Bubs wants to stick his finger in my eye or pull my hair and I don’t have the brain power to have a conversation about teddies having real feelings (because apparently, they do). I was no longer ‘rocking-it’ so you can imaging just how overjoyed I was to get in and find Mr E was home (I thought he was working) and quickly set to guilting him into taking the children out to the park. He sighed a bit but I reminded him it was Mother’s Day and he couldn’t really argue with that so off they went! I waved them off and went on to enjoy a blissful afternoon soaking in the tub followed by falling asleep on the sofa.

So yes, Mother’s day without the actual reason for the day – my children. I love them dearly but I also love the occasional child-free afternoon watching one of my programmes and eating chocolate without having to share (yeah, I said it).

Speak soon xx

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